It’s hard to deal with screening kids.
The American Academy of Pediatrics, or AAP, recommends babies younger than 18 months avoid screens almost entirely, and older children keep their screen time below two hours a day. But, as anyone who has ever watched an infant’s eye lock on to the bright glow of an iPhone knows, good luck with that.
Here, local families and experts offer up doable strategies that work for them.
Bedtime limits
Sarina Appel says she and her husband try to shut off their 5- and 7-year-old kids’ devices an hour before bed. Like bedtime itself, though, it can be a struggle, and sometimes the hour before sleep can turn into a half-hour.
“They get upset, and they sometimes resist because it’s very hard for them to turn it off, but we have to lead with confidence,” says Appel, who lives on the Upper East Side.
Experts say the effort is worth it. Children who spent more time glued to their screens before bed had delayed bedtimes, fewer hours of sleep and poorer sleep quality, according to a review of studies published last year in the journal Pediatrics.
“Power[ing] down before bedtime is a useful place to start when you’re thinking of having better habits or rules around screens,” says Anya Kamenetz, an education journalist and author of “The Art of Screen Time: How Your Family Can Balance Digital Media and Real Life.” “If you solve that, and have a well-rested kid, you’re going to have the potential for the kid to be more reasonable [when it comes to] other issues.”
Co-watching
Helen Boehm, a New York-based psychologist, says watching videos with your kids or engaging in social media activities together is a good use of screen time, especially with older children.
“It’s important that you co-view with your kids,” says Boehm, who leads a commission that advises the Federal Communications Commission on which kids’ television shows can be considered educational. “Co-viewing helps parents be aware of what their kid is exposed to, and then utilize that content to help their child learn.”
For example, she says, many parents have co-watched the movie “13 Reasons Why” with their teenage kids, which gives them a less awkward starting point to discuss some of the issues the show brings up, such as depression and bullying.
Appel says co-viewing technology with her kids has become an important part of their education. For instance, she and her 7-year-old sometimes craft direct messages to his favorite YouTube celebrities.
“It’s almost like a lesson in communication and reaching out,” says Appel.
Another way to make it about the family is to video chat with relatives. In fact, the AAP says it’s the only kind of screen time kids under 18 months old should have.
That recommendation is a joy to Upper East Side mom Tiffanie Graham, whose in-laws live in Ireland and love making their 18-month-old granddaughter, Serena, giggle over FaceTime.
“It seemed crazy not to use [FaceTime],” Graham says. “It’s a great thing for her to be able to see them.”
Set an example
Often, cutting back on screen time for kids means adults have to set better examples, says Dr. Suzy Tomopoulos, assistant professor in the department of pediatrics at Hassenfeld Children’s Hospital at NYU Langone.
“I have patients coming in and the 2-year-old will be holding Mom’s phone,” she says. “My concern is that that’s displacing interactions with parents, when the more words they hear, the more their language grows and the more they’re ready for school.”
Many parents struggle with this recommendation, though.
‘I have patients coming in and the 2-year-old will be holding Mom’s phone.’
Boerum Hill-based dads Harrison Thompson and Christopher Hibma take a “Do as I say, not as I do” approach to raising their 2-year-old daughter, Genhi. The family tried a no-tech Sunday, with phones placed in a drawer for the entire day, but the dads couldn’t deal with being offline.
“We use our phones for everything — if we want to play music, look at a recipe, set a timer,” says Thompson, a marketing manager for Bloomberg LP. “We’re really tied to it.”
But that doesn’t mean Genhi gets much screen time. She rarely ever gets TV time during the week and often prefers painting to playing on the iPad — though she can’t resist an app that lets her pop bubbles on a screen.
Graham, who works from home running her children’s consignment site, Gwaava.com, also has a tough time setting an example. She sees her daughter reaching for her phone sometimes, but tries not to lose sleep over it.
“As parents, we’re just doing the best we can,” says Graham. “But we also have to be realistic.”
Give teens independence — with limits
While the AAP recommends limiting daily screen time to two hours for teens, Tomopoulos says many are getting as many as eight hours a day. Some parents find it makes more sense to worry about what their teens might be doing online, rather than police the amount they’re spending plugged in.
Abe Garcia lets his teenage daughter have free rein over her technology usage — as long as she’s open about it and answers any questions he might have.
“I do care about what she’s doing, but I also respect her privacy,” says Garcia, who lives in Howard Beach and also has a 9-year-old son.
‘I hate feeling like Big Brother, but that’s the reality.’
And as much as Dr. Melanie Greifer trusts her 14- and 16-year-old daughters on the Internet, it’s the people they encounter when they log on that concern her. The Upper East Side mom is also a pediatric gastroenterologist, and she worries about dangerous cleanses and crash diets that are pushed on social media to devastating effect.
“It’s harder for teens to have the emotional intelligence to know these [influencers] are posting about these diets just for followers or money,” Greifer says.
She possesses both her daughters’ social media passwords and requires them to only follow people if they know them in real life — no Instagram celebs allowed.
“I hate feeling like Big Brother,” Greifer says, “but that’s the reality.”
Loosen up sometimes
Many parents loosen up the rules so that they can get chores and work done on weekends. Hibma and Thompson say in these times, educational programming can be a useful distraction. And, the iPad is integral when they’re on the road.
“All [the rules] go out the door when we’re traveling,” says Hibma, who’s currently with Genhi in Morocco for work. “Whatever it takes to occupy her and keep our sanity.”
Carly Snyder, an Upper East Side psychiatrist who has three kids, ages 3, 8 and 10, adds, with a laugh, “I give credit to any parent who gets through any plane ride without a device.”
No matter the approach to screens, psychologist Boehm says parents should cut themselves some slack, for their own sanity, but also for their kids’.
“There’s all kinds of ways that the screen can be a window into the world for certain children,” Boehm says. “To me, the most caring or ‘best’ parents are the ones managing the needs of their individual children.”