Apple is set to release its latest iteration of AirPods at some point this year and that means that the rumor mill is churning out some serious lumber. Rumors are all well and good, but as you've evidenced, sometimes you can't take everything so seriously. With Apple, anything is possible even if it seems like nothing is getting done. Perhaps this is the year that innovation takes the lead over manufacturing.
The AirPods aren't as much an innovative piece of tech as they are a status symbol. After more than two years, it's debatable as to what that status truly implies, but it seems odd that Apple has chosen to wait so long to release the AirPods second generation product. Other manufacturers are flooding the market with wireless earbuds, and while none have the Apple-branded sex appeal of the AirPods, at some point consumers end up making rational, functional spending decisions rather than making sure to get the ear dongles that match the phone under their phone case.
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It's natural to daydream about possible features for a new version of a product you love. This is something you use every day and while it functions fine, there is always something you wish it had that it doesn't. You'll start off with sensible upgrades, then quickly veer into the absurd, ridiculous and impossible. Those are where the best ideas reside, covered in creative muck that is thick with possibilities and dripping with a tortured dream of a future technology that will only exist in novels.
With it taking so long between the first AirPods and this next, possibly revolutionary iteration of the product I figure that Apple fans are frothing at the ears for something that truly spices their apple cider. So I took to Facebook to find out what features iPhone users (and my brother, whom I know doesn't use an iPhone) would love to see in their AirPods 2. Naturally, very few of them took this seriously. I'm surrounded by hucksters and clowns.
First, some mildly realistic expectations.
- AirPod subscription service. To kick off the reasonable suggestions comes the most logical of any of them. While losing ones AirPods hasn't exactly become an epidemic, it is something that happens. Instead of paying a one-time fee for every pair of AirPods, Apple could create a subscription service in which you pay a premium (say, the price of an iPhone XR) and you get the option for replacement AirPods whenever you lose one. Or flush one. Don't ask.
- Built-in projector. Have you ever wished that you could have your internet stuff projected into the path of your vision while you walk without having to wear some silly glasses? Well, what if your AirPods projected your social feeds, Apple Music library and so on right in front of your face? Pending that innovation, perhaps just standard projection, the kind that requires a flat surface and your dad not walking in front of the slide projector every time he gets up.
- Hearing aid capabilities. Not to take anything away from the advancements made in hearing aid technology (the one true greatest ear device ever made), but what if your AirPods doubled as a device for the hearing impaired? Perhaps not at the highest function of hearing aids, but perhaps on enough of a level to give the AirPods a bit more connection to the world around them.
- Babel fish. On the subject of hearing enhancement, how about Babel Fish (not the Italian Alt-rock band) functionality? If you don't get the Hitchhiker's Guide reference, your AirPods would function as an in-ear translation device. You wouldn't have to insert them into your ear canals, but you still should always carry a towel.
- Walkie-talkie feature. This was suggested a few times. It appears that my Facebook friends list is tired of carrying their Dora the Explorer walkie-talkies along with their iPhones. Or there is a sentimental memory of the Nextel walkie-talkie phones hanging around. While AirPods already function as a phone headset, there is no archaic, yet functional way for them to serve as a direct to your bestie across the street after bedtime device.
- Touch slide volume control. Another suggestion that popped up more than once was having functionality on the AirPod stems akin to the Touch Bar on Macbooks that would control volume. Currently the easiest way to adjust volume on the AirPods is by asking Siri, which still requires a touch. With a Touch Bar on the AirPods, that touch to adjust volume would skip a step. Efficiency is innovation.
While some of those ideas might be limited by the form factor of the AirPods, it shows that people want their ear-based devices to handle a bit more than just playing music and answering phone calls. As with anytime I turn to the festering privacy-plagued dirty sandbox that is Facebook, reasonable turns its head, reveals its ridiculously absurd face and then projectile vomits creative, but obviously untenable ideas all over the comments sections. But, we love to dream.
- Mini drones with ear targeting. Drones, as popular as they are (and as disruptive as they are) don't generally fly into your ears to double as audio devices. However, if you've been hit in the head numerous times with drones, bricks and/or car bumpers, perhaps you'd also wish that your AirPods were tiny drones that circled you until you needed them, at which point they'd transform and fly directly into your ears.
- Brain function analysis. From the same brain that brought you AirPod drones comes AirPods that scan your brain function and report it directly into the Apple Health app. That brain would belong to my brother, who in between lucid states, also suggested AirPods that have a...
- ...Built-in air freshener. Possibly the dumbest idea suggested would have to be some sort of function that would enable the AirPods to freshen either the air around the user, or the user themselves. Clearly someone finding success in taping pine-scented car air fresheners to their sweaty bits. While the AirPods might give the appearance of a crisp, clean swath of air, enabling them to spray or smell any different than circuits and plastic is a bit unrealistic.
- Selective ambient sounds. Riffing on the hearing aid suggestion, wouldn't it be nice if you could wear your AirPods with the music off and just block out everyone you didn't want to hear? While wearing your AirPods at the table during a family gathering would be considered rude, the fantasy speaks for itself.
- Mood Pods. Hard pass. Any conversation about your mood ring is insufferable enough without bringing Apple into it.
- Swiss Army AirPods. Finally, here is the why the hell not suggestion that found its way into the thread. Though I'm not exactly sure how confident anyone would be walking around with a knife, scissors and nail file in their ears.
So when are we going to get Apple AirPods 2, or even AirPower for that matter? Apple didn't say anything about either product in its earnings call. Rumor blogs are speculating that we'll see our new ear accessories during the first half of this year. Regardless, since AirPods were first unleashed to the public back in September 2016, users have been conjuring new features that probably won't exist, but one never really knows — Apple could totally blow our ear holes into the next dimension of functional, fashionable tech with the AirPods 2.
