Don't Let IBM's Watson Pick Your Outfits

In an amusing article, casually published on ZDNet after an apparent junket funded by IBM, we learn that IBM's sketchy expert system, Watson, is being promoted as some sort of back-end for helping people determine what to wear. You know, because people have a great deal of difficulty figuring that out every morning. Well, at least they do at IBM.

The great irony is that the IBMers themselves need this product more than the public. Recently a friend of mine, new to the tech business, asked me, "Do IBMers know how to dress? What's that all about?"

I could not help but tell the tale of the old IBM where there was a rigid dress code and it was, in general terms, a dark suit, white shirt, black socks and tie. Not a flashy tie, mind you. This was the way it was for decades. You could spot an IBMer a mile away.

Then, out of the blue, the company killed the dress code. I personally think this was a response to the societal pressures from Silicon Valley. The ties disappeared completely, and the uniform of choice is now casual and comfortable. When the Silicon Valley folks were getting all the attention and seemed to have more energy and creativity, the solution was obvious to IBM: where whatever you think is OK.

I went to an early IBM event shortly after the dress code was dropped. It was a nightmare of mismatched colors and loony ideas as to what was appropriate. Nobody knew how to dress themselves. All that was missing was someone wearing red flannel riding pants and a striped shirt with white socks. It was hard to believe but I came away from the event thinking that a dress code was actually a great idea.

Now we have Watson, the fashionista. IBM is going to push the artificial intelligence system as a back-end processor for the development of retail systems to help people select outfits. I have no idea who would take the advice of a computer when they could be spending their time scrounging through rack after rack looking for something that gets their attention.

The well-known business consultant dubiously named Faith Popcorn once suggested to her followers that the best clothing advice she had for women was to find one good dress that you really liked and buy five of them. Obviously, IBM didn't talk to her. This idea is obviously aimed at the female executive who does not mind people chattering behind her back. "Does she ever wear anything but that one lone dress? She must stink to high heaven."

The Watson device might appeal to such pragmatists.

Will this Watson device will ever find a niche? Those of us who go back far enough know that it is merely an expert system and can be programmed for a lot of work that does not require any sort of real sense or actual nuance. You know, like fashion.

According to the ZDNet article, the Watson device will be targeting (in conjunction with Apple) "retail, healthcare, banking, travel, transportation, telecommunications, and insurance industries."

This is laughable because any "smart" recommendation engine used in a commercial environment will be co-opted by the retail environment, which has to manage inventory balancing and sell certain things to get rid of them. Does anyone think Watson is going to be objective at the end of the day?

Don't be fooled by any of it. And for goodness sakes do not let anything coming from IBM pick your clothes!