At the close of trading on December 7th, Apple's share price was a robust $118.28 and everything was looking fine. Then Apple introduced the $99 Smart Battery Case for the iPhone 6 and 6S, and everything suddenly went to hell. Apple's stock price today is $96.30, more than 18 percent off the pre-Smart Battery Calamity price. Now, we’re not saying that Apple's ​incredibly ugly​ battery case spooked investors and had a direct effect on the company’s stock price, but we’re not ​not saying that, either.

As to what’s really causing the drop in share price, the truth is that China's rapid economic growth isn't so rapid anymore and global markets have turned bearish — and Apple's simply feeling the effects of those rough macroeconomic conditions.

Clarification: Contrary to my jesting intentions, this article has been read as earnest. I've updated the article to make its humorous nature clearer.