Are Your Kids Addicted To Their Phones? 'Screenagers' Wants to Help

In the new documentary  Screenagers, kids can’t stop playing with their phones. It's a problem many parents face —including director Delaney Ruston, a physician serving as Stony Brook Medicine's filmmaker in residence. 

"My son wanted to play more video games and my daughter was always on social media," Ruston told me in an interview. "I was at a loss. I found myself getting mad at them and then feeling guilty."

Her kids aren't the only ones glued to their devices. According to Common Sense Media, teens spend nearly nine hours a day in front of a screen. That includes the TV, which kids watch while doing their homework or messaging each other on social media, and their phones and tablets.

Adults can get addicted to social media too, of course. I checked both my Instagram and Facebook feeds while watching the film. (Sorry, Delaney!) But teenage brains release dopamine with abandon. It's not a coincidence that your 16-year-old seems so dramatic. When their device buzzes and they see a "Like," they get a rush from it that most adults don't, making it harder for them to put their phones away.

Plus, these days, more than two-thirds of teens own a smartphone and 37 percent own a tablet. They're sitting in class with little temptation devices that provide a respite from the stresses of high school. Remember feeling awkward as a teen? Now kids can simply stare at their phones when they feel uncomfortable instead of socializing (which, again, adults do too).

"People like to hide behind their cellphones," Ruston said. "Let’s recognize that and create situations were we can foster face-to-face interactions."

That might include group projects or after-school programs — anything that forces kids to work directly with each other. The jury is out when it comes to taking away teens’ phones during school hours. As one teacher in “Screenagers” noted, they will have to deal with digital distractions when they grow up, so they might as well develop strategies now.

What seems clear is that kids need boundaries. Teens struggle with self-control, just like adults, and they know that playing Call of Duty for watching Netflix for eight hours straight is a less productive use of their time than practicing the piano or writing an essay.

(Only three percent of teens’ screen time involves creating stuff, according to Common Sense Media. The rest of it is devoted to consuming video and music content, playing games and using social media).

“We’re often putting too much of a burden on kids to self-regulate, and that isn’t doing them any favors,” she said.

So how do parents get kids to cut down on their screen time? Simply snatching away their phones isn’t a great strategy, according to Ruston. Instead, try talking to your teens about why they should use their devices less.

“Part of developing self-control is understanding and believing in a goal,” she said.

Once they are sold on the idea of limiting screen time, create boundaries with their input, so the rules don’t seem arbitrary and unfair. Draw up a contract so that kids understand what is expected of them.

Ruston also likes to hold what she calls “Tech Talk Tuesdays” so her family can hash out their feelings in a calm, rational manner, instead of when the kids are angry about their phones being taken away. It also helps if mom and dad aren't checking their phone every five minutes. Kids don't want to be held to a higher standard than their parents.

“The discussion then becomes ‘We’re all in this together,’” she said. “That has really worked well in my family.”