It’s always something: Finding things to complain about with the iPhone 7

Having a hard time finding things to complain about with the iPhone 7 launch? Oh, there’s something there. You just have to dig a little deeper. Deeper. Keeeeeep goooooing…

Writing for the Forbes contributor network and oversized carnival prize stuffed animal stud ranch, Ewan Spence wonders aloud: “iPhone 7 Problems Exposed: Is Apple Flying Or Dying?” (Tip o’ the antlers to Philip Speicher.)

[Gently places one hoof over Spence’s lips] Shh, Ewan. Shhhh. Just wonder silently.

Apple’s brand…

Yeah, that hoof thing never works. But it was worth a try.

… is built on a number of ideals, and one of them is the quality of the product and making the experience “magical” for the consumer. For me that halo has slipped with the iPhone 7 and iPhone 7 Plus.

This is indeed a startling thing to hear and not at all anything the Macalope has heard every year for the last 8 years as we’ve been presented with one phony-baloney -gate after another.

During the presentation of the new camera software, someone had to apologised that the projector could not show the vivid colours that the iPhone 7 Plus had taken. That unnamed person managed to turn this around with a “you really need to see it on the iPhone’s screen” but the former line has stuck with me. Apple apologising about a poor element in a presentation?

What if there simply isn’t a projector that can handle that level of color depth? Or anything else at all? Here’s the president of DisplayMate Technologies:

The absolute color accuracy of the iPhone 7 is truly impressive… It is visually indistinguishable from perfect, and is very likely considerably better than any mobile display, monitor, TV or UHD TV that you have.

He didn’t specifically mention projectors but that’s probably just because they’re so obviously inferior.

I hate to say “that would never have happened under Steve Jobs” but…

I hate to use ridiculous, overused Apple tropes, but…

…that (and “get something that does show it correctly”) was my initial reaction, and it’s one that I still hold.

Yes, Apple should design and manufacture a projector that can show it. Or they could change the laws of physics. That would work, too.

Oh and that camera software? You’ll have to wait for it, it’s not going to be ready until later in the year.

The iPhone was literally announced six months before it came out. Please, tell us how Steve Jobs would not pre-announce things.

Spence also didn’t like it that Apple mentioned that the jet black iPhones can scratch.

You stood there, showed the mystical machines the created this amazing finish, and then said that it was actually a bit rubbish and get ready to have your precious iPhone scratched like a hire car entering the Daytona 500?

Do you know why they did that? Because every year when someone scratches their new iPhone, sites rush to publish stories screaming “NEW IPHONE SCRATCHES.” Just imagine what it would be like if they asploded like some other manufacturer’s smartphones.

Alternatively, someone could have decided that releasing a phone that will get scratched within days and look like ploughed field by the time winter falls, was simply not good enough and that the problem needs to be solved, not hand-waved away.

If scratches bother you, there are four other colors you can buy, including another black. Despite this warning, jet black was the only color that was sold out everywhere, half probably because it was made in smaller quantities but half because a lot of people don’t care about scratches, they want an original (that happens to be grippier than the other models).

In previous years Apple would ship the headphones in a plastic carry case that could be used countless times and protected the headphones when not in use.

Uh, well, there might be a good reason they did that.

Once more Apple is replacing something that makes life harder for the end-user… but helps Apple’s bottom line.

That’s not it. If you’re just joining us here on planet Earth, already in progress, paper is biodegradable. Plastic isn’t. Other than the Apple stickers, it appears the entire iPhone box is biodegradable. This is not just a relatively salient point that Spence simply neglects to mention. This is the entire point.

As the iPhone grows up, will Apple progress with it and continue to be seen as a leader in the smartphone space, or will it suffer the same fate as other revolutionary manufacturers who were destroyed by their hubris?

The hubris of making displays that are so good that no other display can show their color depth, providing color and finish choices, and making their packaging more biodegradable. What a bunch of monsters.